Sunday, 12 July 2009

Text from the past.

Hello again from the Quagmire. In the course of living and conversing on the world wide web, conversations arise between, well the things called people. People have been around for ages, so long that it's hard to comprehend when 'people' even started!
So I was online recently talking to my lovely other half and in the course of such things, CTRL+V comes into play. As I was posting her a link for some "I will kill your virus with a sharp stick" type program, along with the link appeared some odd text, part of a conversation from a long time ago from when I was talking to a 'people' and it happened to be on the internet, where you may be reading this right now!The computer obviously was having a spasm and dredging its memory banks. Anyway, the talking involved gems, lots of gems. Here are some of them. The people talking have been changed to A and B.

b : sorry, anyway gem trader. Will it suck my soul too, I have college work to do, I'm afraid If I join I will not do it
a : definitely. do not join it.
b : but I like gems
a : its put mwe a week behind on editing, given me headaches and wall vision.
b : in fact, I just like the word gem
a : I like gems too. but not these gems
b : gem, gem ,gem gem gem
a : do you remember that cartoon series called gem?
b : if they are not gems then what are they? Hens?
b : yes, the cartoon series gem. I remember!
a : i was so disappointed as there were clearly no gems in it, just some daft bint called gem#
b : lol
b : yes, I will sue under the gems description act
a : hahaha
b: what would happen if you gave the gem character a gem? Would she melt?
a : yes
b : she would melt into a gem!
a : any gem would do too
a : gem!
b : can you catch gem germs from gems?
a : yes. gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem,
a : gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem.
b : Hello, work? I can't come into day. I have the gems/
a : hehehe
b : I may be off for several gems. Can you put any gems that come in for me at my desk. I will have a gem at them later.
a : if you say the word gem 7 times, a gem trader will appear in the mirror and give you some gems
a : or hens. depending on his mood
b : NOOO< I will not be trying that! I can see your trying to gem me into a sneaky gem related supernatural death
b : So what is there in Gem trader if they aren't gems?
b : Do you gamble with gems?
a : no, they are gems. but they make a bleepy noise and disappear if 3 or more are in a row. real gems clearly dont do that, so i'm suspicious
a : you gamble with money. but if you win enough money, then you could go out and buy gems.
b : Hmm, I think they may be trying to pass off fake gems onto you? Gems that Bleep? My suspisions would be raised immediately too!
b : what, real money?
a : yes, you pay them real money and you can play with their suspicious gems.
b : They didn't ask you for card details did they?
a : yes
a : i've spent £3728.77 so far. money well spent
a : !!!
a :
b :
b : hehehe
b : omg, I can't help it
a : there is actually an egyptian bank themed game on there. hmm
b : shit, see! I speak the truth!
a : and it features a little man in a stripey uniform with a bag marked "swag"
b : Well thats it then isin't it! It's a scam!
a : yes. ah well
b : Egypt, swag bag, bleepy gems, DIDN'T THEY WARN YOU ABOUT STRANGERS AT SCHOOL!?

Now onto other things. I received an email from yahoo today informing me that as of October, they will be shutting their free web site building factory based in Surrey with smaller spin off warehouses set on the seabed of Loch Morar called 'Geocities'. This saddened me a lot because Geocities was not only my first webbuilder experience way back in 1998 but has brought loads of hilarity in the form of horrendously badly build and hard to navigate pages about nonsense and such things.

I will miss the badly laid out seperators with dripping blood, flashing cats, explosions ripped from doom and animated gifs of ducks following a gran with massive text and a big box saying "CLICK ME TO GO TO THE NEXT PAGE OF MY WEBSITE IF YOU WANT TO GO TO PAGE 2 AND ARE STILL INTERESTED IN MORE FACTS ABOUT ASTRONOMY ON MY PAGE, PAGE 2 IS THIS WAY".

Witness the greatness of sites like this the first church of Dan akyroyd and LEARN from its design greatness!

Watch your soul melt into shreddies as you realise pages like this will be deleted forever. The Jesus Dance

Geocites, we will miss you.

Another website of note (not a geocities one at least) that has made me just rub my left eye and scratch my head with a stretch while saying "what the hell happened to the nineties, they went so fast" is this one.
My friends will tell you that I really like Stanley Ku-bricks masterful "the Shining" but when I saw this page, clearly this guy likes it a bit too much and also likes killing, eating calculators and putting tracing paper over tadpoles.

Possibly reading a wee bit TOO much into the "hidden meanings" in the film. Nuts and also slightly disturbing that he spent the time writing it. Be sure to watch out for the parts where he reminds you that later on in his "theseus" he will be revealing some devastating facts that will make you never see the film in the same light again! Like every 3 paragraphs! Hmm.

Danny's jumper and the amazing colour reversing of some balls and a snowcat may hold the key to the universe!

With that I sign off until the next time. In the next episode there may be some kind of a podcast with talking and music! Not sure when this will happen yet but it's definitely in the works.


  1. My hat is well and truly doffed to your genius sir! (as is Rollies).

  2. Farewell, then,
    First Church of Dan
    1807 visitors since May 1997
    or twelve and a third per month
    on average
    which some might think was
    surprisingly high.

  3. Those Geocities sites are now officially gone, along with all the other ones. :( I never realised how much I was going to miss them until Yahoo actually removed them all for real, forever!
    The internet sucks. Gah.

  4. All things should be written in purple and green on a black background. I mean all.