Quagmire of the Antler people.

2011-07-29T00:06:00.000-07:00

New fan poster completed for "The Shining".

Nonima : Morphism (Section 27)

2011-06-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

Music Review.
Nonima: Morphism. (Out Now)

Electronic music reviews are fascinating because you can imagine the trepidation of the reader who will often be approaching such a review with either a sense of repetition,preconception or defensiveness about the music under scrutiny.

This is most definitely down to the sheer volume of reviews of such abundant music online these days and the genre itself, coated as it is with incredible variations, eclectic styles, art deconstruction, conflicting and yet ultimately un-ending idea's and arguments of what electronic music is suppose to be or how it's meant to sound or be produced.
There seems to be a strange increasingly blurry void between the relevance of signed and unsigned music and a veritable soft tar staircase of understanding that has to be climbed in order to try and get a grip on the "electronic music scene" of 2011.

That said, they are also incredibly fun to both write and read, often impenetrable and enlightening at the same time, filled with gloriously absurd terms and analogies. Did music reviewers in the past have it any easier when the music industry was different and bands were 'bands' as is often said? It's tempting to think so but probably unlikely.

Scotland's rich musical heritage should already be apparent without much further need for analysis here but in the last 15 years, the electronic music coming from the country has been consistently fascinating and ever evolving. Perhaps much like Poland, Norway, Russia, Canada and the more remote parts of the US, the sense of confinement, vast landscapes and a particular way of life contribute to such direction and ideas.

It's with those regional based thoughts in mind that I approach the new album release from Scotland's Tam Ferrans, prolific producer of experimental,
electronic and beat based sounds for many years now under a variety of pseudonyms including Mitoma and Altered:Carbon and head of prolific Scottish music label Section27

His particular personality under the microscope today however is Nonima. With a healthy back catalogue of varied albums, Ep's and remixes under each of his guises, this new Nonima album entitled "Morphism" follows last year remarkable and well received Nonima outing "Bit encryption".

The first thing that strikes you about Nonima's sound is the depth and the production values.Crisp, captivating and immediate production that never sounds strained or rushed. It's been mentioned before but I think it's worth bringing up again here that previous Nonima and Mitoma albums have occasionally drawn very lazy comparisons with a certain famous electronic Manchester Duo on Warp records. Having glitchy beats and experimental time signatures does not make an act a clone,yet the comparisons still get carted out. This is short sighted at best and while it's safe to say that Ferrans output will most definitely and easily appeal to fans of said outfit, it's clear to tell after listening to just a few tracks that there's no carbon copying happening and you get the sense of a very different and possibly more approachable (one might even say danceable) agenda at work.

Any influences that might be apparent under the surface here have a far more varied catchment area, echo's of early Richard Devine,the droning sensibilities and head pounding beats and experimentalism of Mick Harris, the micro detail and machine'isms of Lexaunculpt and Arovane put in the freezer and deconstructed further, the confidence and energy of Glasgow's Slam and Soma but without any Glowsticks or drunken fumbles. (Well not IN the music anyway) Nonima brings beats and he wants you to get lost, dance like a skeleton and bring them to your Science lab to extract their DNA. If your names not down though, you're not getting in.

So "Morphism" is brought to the table and the energy in the room shifts.

Opener 'Implode' starts proceedings in the most unexpected, painterly and enveloping manner. Washes of flashing synthetic plankton laced synths do their best attempt at drowning you with no promise of being saved although you may unnervingly question yourself whether you would want to be plucked from such a blissful aural haven.

This short intro only gives you a limited time to breathe before the ominous pulses and
binary skree of "Stimat" opens the centrifuge and throws you inside. Primarily based on a dramatic and frenetic glitch beat structure that stomps along while simultaneously giving the impression of fragility, once it hooks you, you'll quickly realise there's something quite fresh and complex happening here, both in feel and sound design.

'Chasm' as the title suggests is the number that splits the ground wide open for the listener here, the hints of darkness that permeate through "Stimat" in the distance suddenly makes its presence known here. This is a huge number, atonally attacking the senses with an undercurrent of delicious over-driven sub bass, chiseling beats that seem to have emerged from a futuristic UFO Grabber only containing mutant Industrial/Dub crossover specimens and that taunt you wishing you'd come up with such floor breaking madness.

'Mefrac' tumbles out sporting a different signature and an even more twisted mask, has it come from the same machine or does it live in the coils hidden from public view? Either way, it's infectious and you may feel inclined to roll on the ground or let your inhibitions go as it pours its slate sound through your capillaries. Strange untranslatable and heavily processed machine language suddenly emerges hinting at an attempt to communicate. Only repeated listens may hold the answer and with music this addictive, replays are a certainty.

'Suboxide' suddenly drops in the room, invisible but immediately audible and stopping you in your tracks, demanding you listen and making anyone else there fall silent like a tired hitchhiker entering a coven and asking if anyone knows about "The legend". The Massive industrial laced cutting beat is the showcase here, following a distinctively soundtrack-esque and timely melodic framework. This is the sound of drama, a confused outsider being perused by shadowy dangerous characters through a rusting, bleak metalscape.

'Root' may be the sound of that character being captured or maybe escaping to an even more alien and more metallic, morphing beat base. Whatever path we are being led down here (and it's most definitely a journey of discovery) is starting to break up like a corrupted digital forest encroaching on what was previously a deceptively luminous road to escape. Cold tones and sinister pounding bass make you almost want to look behind you, the use of space turned on its head and glitchy clatter falling like snow in your eyes.

If 'root' attempted to lead you astray and trip you up then "Looking glass" is the reward for letting yourself get absorbed into this musical map. The synth sound hinted at towards the end of 'Root' suddenly flourishes here, comes to the forefront and feels like a glinting light, catching your breath with an epic frozen melodic net. Although the exact reason that Ships have a gendered pronoun is long lost to history, if songs or 'tracks' were to be given a gender, then "Looking Glass" would be a She and then the reason would be obvious, stunning beauty and mystique.But this She ends with a quiet vulnerability and aural breakdown. A personality.

From here on Morphism carries on a steady and consistent pace, delivering heady beats and hypnotic glitchy wire-work until we arrive at one of the standout moments which comes in pill form under the catchy name of "Symmetrophobia", definitely not available from your local pharmacist and if such a pharmacist were to exist, it would be a labyrinthine nightmare, constructed from wonky diagonal lines and rounded edges, stairs that lead nowhere and filled with retro arcade machines with no names, the sounds of which can be heard emanating and controlled throughout this wonderfully
playful piece which is intertwined with some of the strongest beatwork on the album.

With "Morphism" Nonima has delivered another eclectic and remarkably assured electronic cut. Nonima is producing some of the most essential glitch and beat based electronic music coming out just now. This is at a time where, as I described in the opening of the review, we are almost crawling to a halt with a seemingly endless flood of music coming out every second and with little way to assimilate or deal with the flow, unless you have your wits about you, have a bag of patience and a tin foil digital wet suit on, it's easy to get swallowed in the flood.
This album provides a lot of aural oxygen and we need it. An essential listen.

Morphism is available here in a highly recommended special edition bundled with an
additional six track EP and bonus Artwork at Bandcamp
Morphism Special Edition

Nonima on Facebook
Nonima on Myspace

Arsenic and some Bass

2010-12-11T03:36:00.000-08:00

A quick check of the calendar. It's December 1936 and have we a show lined up for you?
Quite possibly. Indeed, this time at the Quagmire, after various complaints from listeners in Prague, that my 'show' was simply a sequence of songs with no apparent mission or indeed, taste, we decided that something had to be done so it has received a massive upgrade, in the form of a spoken intro by, er, myself. This overhaul was painstaking, taking nearly 3 minutes. The rest of the format has somehow managed to elude this overhaul and bears a striking resemblance to the format of the other mixes. Take that Prague! If that's not a cause for a few seasonal based celebrations, then your soul is a snowglobe. Anyway, Season's greetings and buy your friend some arsenic based lifeforms this Christmas. This month also, apart from an exciting intro, we have a bonus bumper sack of tracks. They are even properly numbered so they don't exploderize(tm) your mp3 player of choice. Wooo.

The tracks this month are:

Intro Thing..
then on to..
1.Medusa Cyclone: Chemical
2.Fugazi: Smallpox Champion
3.Ivor Cutler: The Moon outside the window
4.Broken Dog: Where will you go when there's nowhere left to go?
5.Onethema: Geigeticbeaux
6.Wingtip Sloat: They came with Margerine and Inlaws
7.DZ: Slo-mo Coffee Cups
8.The Speeding Peters:Insulin Kens
9.Bark Psychosis: Blue
10.Quosp: Blue
11.Abalone: Pello Zeus
12.Rancid Hell Spawn: Zombie Girl
13.Frederick Schikowski: Station Breslauer Strasse
14.Atoniad Ygmenigol: 9th of April
15.Trumans Water: Antsmashes yer star(Dead Airwaves)
16.Grasshopper:Mini and Mitzy
17.Mass: Pulling
18.Seefeel:Come Alive(Locust Remix)
19.Emily's Sassy Lime: Pineapple boys need not apply
20.Drop Nineteens: Rot Winter
21.Bratmobile: There's no other way
22.Main: Mazer Part 1
23.NH: Losing My religion (Nes Cover)

Download here

P.S. I've heard Prague is really nice.

Coming apart at the Seamless

2010-10-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

Hello from today at the Quagmire, where the sound never stops and even when it does, it's just playing in a different room. After the runaway success of the last mix by guest contributor Trills, we are excited to bring you lucky sponges some fresh Sonandy(tm) (which is a mix of sonics and candy) in the form of the sweets you were never allowed to buy as a kid. These decadent, sometimes un-chewable but always tempting audio enemies of teeth are brought to you this dark month by intriguing Scot's Lad Nonima, aka Tam Ferrans, creator and also enthusiastic backer of many exciting and often neglected electronic sounds, which when found in the wild, are generally know to fascinate scientists due to their hard to categorise nature and are often cataloged haphazardly in the Scientific community under the Genuses Glitchafernous, DJingGenreClashilifious, DarkAmbienceorphicus, BeatousRealmousStrangeous and FuckwherecanIbuythis.

Using some kind of special wizardry culled from deep breathing near special standing stones only found in Kilmarnock, Scotland, he has somehow weaved his contribution into some new form of musical devilry which, will perhaps make you question many things,including your faith, taste in clothing and fear of heights due to the fascinating lack of gaps between the audio. Now the more nervous amongst you might be initially alarmed at all this calamity but with time, perhaps with counselling, you will come to accept this and feel a compulsion to listen to this strange new method of "hearing" over and over, until you forget about anything else and find yourself pacing around like a cold leopard, waiting until the next time you can buy new batteries for your Walkman.
Now, we must stress, the many varied electronic species to be found here don't just live in a herd but have many exciting neighbours too for you to put down in your field note book so coming along to join the sweetie party are the wonderful Captain Beefheart himself, Henry Mancini who will even bring his own personal copy of 'Lifeforce' with him in case there isn't anything good on the TV and an Owl to keep things suitably Labyrinthine while DJ Spooky watches through coloured Glass. You won't need to watch TV though because the lineup here never gets boring for a second.
The Quagmire gives you full permission to throw away your Justin Bieber Itune Dl's and Twilight DVD's and listen to only this and eat only Avacado's for a week. It's ok, you can do it! The rewards are indescribable.
Tam decided not to adorn this special delivery with a name so in a sort of Headachey Autechre's John Peel session type way, we shall name this as thus:
Reality laced Toblerone for the mind controlled masses.
Be sure to thank and go visit Tam and grab his avalanche of releases
at
http://www.myspace.com/nonima27
and
http://www.myspace.com/section27netlabel

1.Throbbing gristle - e coli
2.Qebo- deepcore
3.I love you but I've chosen darkness - the owl
4.White noise - love without sound
5.Aphex twin - come to daddy (richard devine trapezoid remix)
6.Anbb (alva noto & blixa bargeld) - ret marut handshake
7.Asa-chang & junray - hana
8.Autechre - all tomorrow's linoleum // araya - out
9.Dj spooky - earth sky life line
10.Captain beefheart - safe as milk (take 12)
11.Amon duul II - archangels thunderbird
12.Amon tobin - verbal
13. A silver mt. zion - 13 angels standing guard round your bed
14. Adamned_age - invisible divider
15. Henry mancini - lujon // autechre - LCC

Available here

Coming soon(or next month) the last 2 installments of the current Quagmire mixes, sniff.
Can you handle the Excitement!

Peachy Keen

2010-10-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

As we enter the month of Samhain, we have an exciting hectic, maybe spooky but definitely fish fueled generous time ahead of us here at the Quagmire. Hopefully our eccentric listeners will have filled up on the previous mixes because here comes another, and we are happy to say this time it comes from an eager outsider, possibly an astral traveler, who has arrived from a distant star holding a small flashing device filled with audio greatness. Or it could simply be excellent electronic experimental musician type, Trills/Jonathan Jindra disguised as such a being.

Regardless of what form the traveler appears as, the sonic quavers he brings are tasty and are mysteriously headed under the name "Peach Genesis" which we think is really cool. Is this the name of another planet capable of sustaining life not as we know it or is it the name of an edible book, or perhaps an exotic mantra. We have a pet cat called Genesis actually who has back legs like a rabbit and sometimes when he meows, no sound comes out. Sound most certainly does come out here though so enjoy and listen to the excellent Failure, who don't live up to their name with some grinding melodies and emotional tones that aren't Emo, the lush Boreal Network who bring some warm synths to watch silent 80's science programs to and the slow 'Low' try and run away with your eternal organs, mainly your heart only using the singers sparkling voice, who appears to have originated from a planet where the term "tone deaf" doesn't exist. Pan Sonic have been living in your membranes for their entire existence and are the sound of electronic rain falling inside a cheese grater which is slowly rubbing up against your internal band pass filter while you visit the Arctic.

Go visit Trills at his site here.
http://trillsband.com/

Peach Genesis.
1.Pan Sonic: Current 1
2.Failure: Heliotropic
3.Steve Brodsky: Halo 4A Hula-Hoop
4.Low: Laser Beam
5.Nico: Afraid
6.Boreal Network: Adrive
7.Oceansize: Massive Bereavement
8.Machinefabriek: Hieperdepiep
9.Greymachine: Wolf at the door
10.Track53: Dimensia

Available Here

Soda in the stream

2010-09-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy week here at the Quagmire. The decorators were round
because we felt that coming up for this Halloween season, our window frames were
just not black enough! Since all the staff here have an inability to paint anything,we had to shell out and pay for some top action painters to come round and do the frames proud! However, much to our dismay, when they arrived, pots and brushes
in hand, several large spider crabs had decided to make a new home, right on the window sills and just refused to move. Now we like animals round these parts so painting over them was not an option. Not wishing to make the decorators journey a wasted one, we offered them some tasty Sodastream from our dynamic range of flavours in the cupboard. However we didn't have the cucumber and turtle flavour they wanted so we just compromised and gave the guy some music to listen to instead. But he said he didn't like it and ran out of the house, taking one of the spider crabs with him to go and start a new life in Northumberland.

Luckily we still have plenty of music left over for you lucky listeners. Harold from East Devonshire writes in this week, inquiring what is the best format and equipment to listen to the exciting mixes available here at Quagmire central. Well Harold, we quite like 78 speed records but for maximum aural enjoyment we recommend only listening on tape which you can play on this great up to date synth by Casio electronics, the CK-500, available in all the big retailers like Lewis's and Woolworths.

If tape doesn't do it for you Harold, can we suggest a step forward into space with the use of a CD Disc and highly recommend this tasty boombox which is a CD player and Sega Dreamcast all in one! If your eyes are fizzing at the prospect then wait to
see what happens to your ears!

You can also try recording it onto a wax cylinder, tying that to a hobby horse, tying yourself to the hobby horse, jumping into a road side ditch and lie drowning as you ponder on how much you dislike that aunt that made you read bible passages endlessly while sticklebacks eat away at your nose. Harold, we only want the best for our listeners here.
As a great man once said to me, ..."AHHHH, help, I'm in quicksand, quick, get a rope, nooooo."

On then to this weeks midgie torturing mix. Don't forget to take those carbonated empties back to your local MP.

1.Solar Race: Not Here
2.Fabio Frizzi: Baby Sequenzia 2
3.Engine Kid: Bear Catching Fish
4.Fieldtriqp: Clear Damage
5.Resident Evil Gamecube remake OST: Guardhouse 1
6.Prolapse: Serpico
7.Flying Saucer Attack: Islands
8.Third Eye Foundation: 4 Damaged Lemons
9.Jacob's Mouse: Poltergeist
10.Holst: Jupiter, the bringer of Jolity
11.Distorted Pony: Hod
12.Vib Ribbon: Polaroid
13.Throwing Muses: Hate my way
14.Furniture Huschle: Child Rearing on a shoestring
15.Kitchens of Distinction: Drive that fast (7" mix)
16.Since the Operation: Self realisation through Vimto

Available here.

Plastercast of every Planet

2010-09-21T16:50:00.000-07:00

A car drove past at high speed and from the passenger window, out flew a cassette tape, unmarked and miraculously undamaged. The tape was taken home, transferred and on it was found the following contents. Then mars fell into a vat of milk and exploded.

1.Milk: Billy and Bobby
2.Clark: For wolves crew
3.Polvo: Mexican Radio
4.Movietone: Heatwave Pavement
5.Distain: Give it up
6.AFX: PWSteal.Ldpinch.D
7.Even as we speak: Beautiful Day
8.Helmet: Exactly what you wanted
9.Melt Banana: 55 hands need to cut down
10.Loafeye: Outtake
11.My Favourite: Go kid Go
12.Mrs Jynx: Glasshill (Unmixed)
13.Bikini Kill: Rip
14.Quosp: Green
15.Happy Flowers: These peas are so green
16.Arcwelder:Favour
17.Fudge Tunnel: Bed Crumbs

Available here.

New Lawnmower

2010-09-08T23:08:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to the official presentation of Danylion and Murdock's new Lawnmower.They are very proud of it and are happy to lend you it anytime you might be in need of using it for whatever use you come up with. If you open the petrol cap, inside, if you peer in really closely, you'll see a tiny note giving you directions to a file which is a fantastic mix of riveting audio you might not have heard before. However, after you do, you must never leave the house again. Sorry. Enjoy the audio which this time around contains lots of boom boom ruckus loudness.

1.Brian Eno: Sparrowfall (Version 1)
2.Jacob's Mouse: B12 Marmites
3.Beck: 08.04.1982
4.Medusa Cyclone: X Plodo Sun hat
5.Korpse: The smell of broken glass
6.Greenbank: Fluted
7.Better Beatles: Penny Lane
8.Sofahead: One for the Road
9.Isan: Cutlery Flavours
10.Michael Andrews: Gretchen Ross
11.Lungleg: Blah Blah Blah
12.Beck: Puttin' it down
13.The Cherubs: Half a rat
14.Moondabor; The Final Countdown (Nes Cover Version)
15.Pocket Fisherman: Sodom and Gomorrah
16.Huggy Bear: Immature Adolesence
17.The New Bad things: I suck
Available here.

Broken Statues

2010-09-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

Over a decade later since the last one (or at least 3 days if you live in boring reality) at last, here is the next installment of my continuing series of exciting music compilations. If you enjoyed the last one, then this should deliver a further fruit salad of styles, 18 tracks of delicious variety and moods intended to make you talk and if possible, go and find out more about the artists! If your Ipod is boring you, give this a listen and see if anything changes. As ever, any comments and discussion is encouraged. Play it loud, play it to people you like, hate, don't know, fancy etc...

Sunglasses for Broken Statues.

1.Kettel: Her thin voice
2.Beck: 11.6.45
3.Macrocosmica: V for Vendetta
4.Phundamental: Kite
5.Fly Ashtray: Here comes the coastguard
6.Boards of Canada: Sherbert Head
7.In Dust: Magnet Womb
8.Ivor Cutler: Gym Mistress
9.Hydroplane: Cross the Atlantic
10.Be your own Pet: Bunk, trunk, skunk
11.Polvo: Right the relation
12.General Surgery: Slithering Maceration of Ulcerous Facial Tissue
13.Shaggs: That little sports car
14.Scala: Tears
15.Milieu: My friends all play broken toys
16.The Delgado's: Pull the wires from the Wall
17.Squirrel Grab: In love with Barry Manilow
18.East River Pipe: When will your friends all disappear.

Available Here

Scarlet Apples

2010-09-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first in a series of music mixes I've created over the last few days.
The seed for this initially started when I had the urge to create a new mix of music for a friend I used to share music with, back in more (or less) innocent days of beautiful cassette tapes. It was an interesting experience then, when I realised that suddenly, faced with a lack of time constraints and analogue FF and RW buttons for searching, that creating a simple mix was not going to be that straightforward. I ended up with over 100 tracks in a very short space of time and realising this was pretty unworkable for a one off mix, I decided to create a little series of mix tapes from all the tracks. So here is the first installment in a series of seven and as a tribute to those old mix tapes I used to make, each one has its own slightly hysterical name.
Every mix is a variety of styles and unpredictable content, even if everything included doesn't appeal to your ears, if you like music then even in this day and age, you'll find something that makes your ears alert against your will(hopefully)!
So then, on with some crazy music, some beautiful, some forgotten, some classics, some dark, some weird, some noisy and some which just have to have your attention.
Enjoy and watch out for the next installment. If you have any thoughts about the music here, please leave your comments.

Mix tape 1: Scarlet Apples in the Invisible Freezer.

1.Butterglory: The Skills of the Star Pilot
2.Animal Collective: La Rapet
3.Ed Hall: Rachel Hourglass
4.Photophob: ((Ø))
5.Beck: 08.06.82
6.The Van Pelt: His Steppe is my Prairie
7.Acreil: Magnolia#02
8.I'm being Good: Joust
9.Goblin: Buio Omega OST-Main titles
10.Amp: Frieze
11.Hail: Racer Hero
12.Furniture Huschle: Tricks
13.The Fall: Kimble
14.Arab Strap: Here we go
15.Uzeda: Surrounded
16.Fantastic Magic: Jam&tYima
17.Codeine: Tom

Available Here

Text from the past.

2009-07-12T13:05:00.000-07:00

Hello again from the Quagmire. In the course of living and conversing on the world wide web, conversations arise between, well the things called people. People have been around for ages, so long that it's hard to comprehend when 'people' even started!
So I was online recently talking to my lovely other half and in the course of such things, CTRL+V comes into play. As I was posting her a link for some "I will kill your virus with a sharp stick" type program, along with the link appeared some odd text, part of a conversation from a long time ago from when I was talking to a 'people' and it happened to be on the internet, where you may be reading this right now!The computer obviously was having a spasm and dredging its memory banks. Anyway, the talking involved gems, lots of gems. Here are some of them. The people talking have been changed to A and B.

b : sorry, anyway gem trader. Will it suck my soul too, I have college work to do, I'm afraid If I join I will not do it
a : definitely. do not join it.
b : but I like gems
a : its put mwe a week behind on editing, given me headaches and wall vision.
b : in fact, I just like the word gem
a : I like gems too. but not these gems
b : gem, gem ,gem gem gem
a : do you remember that cartoon series called gem?
b : if they are not gems then what are they? Hens?
b : yes, the cartoon series gem. I remember!
a : i was so disappointed as there were clearly no gems in it, just some daft bint called gem#
b : lol
b : yes, I will sue under the gems description act
a : hahaha
b: what would happen if you gave the gem character a gem? Would she melt?
a : yes
b : she would melt into a gem!
a : any gem would do too
a : gem!
b : can you catch gem germs from gems?
a : yes. gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem,
a : gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem, gem.
b : Hello, work? I can't come into day. I have the gems/
a : hehehe
b : I may be off for several gems. Can you put any gems that come in for me at my desk. I will have a gem at them later.
a : if you say the word gem 7 times, a gem trader will appear in the mirror and give you some gems
a : or hens. depending on his mood
b : NOOO< I will not be trying that! I can see your trying to gem me into a sneaky gem related supernatural death
b : So what is there in Gem trader if they aren't gems?
b : Do you gamble with gems?
a : no, they are gems. but they make a bleepy noise and disappear if 3 or more are in a row. real gems clearly dont do that, so i'm suspicious
a : you gamble with money. but if you win enough money, then you could go out and buy gems.
b : Hmm, I think they may be trying to pass off fake gems onto you? Gems that Bleep? My suspisions would be raised immediately too!
b : what, real money?
a : yes, you pay them real money and you can play with their suspicious gems.
b : They didn't ask you for card details did they?
a : yes
a : i've spent £3728.77 so far. money well spent
b : OMG! YOU WILL BE ROBBED AND ALL YOUR FUNDS PUT INTO A BANK IN EGYPT! IT'S A TRAP!
a : !!!
a :
b :
b : hehehe
b : omg, I can't help it
a : there is actually an egyptian bank themed game on there. hmm
b : shit, see! I speak the truth!
a : and it features a little man in a stripey uniform with a bag marked "swag"
b : Well thats it then isin't it! It's a scam!
a : yes. ah well
b : Egypt, swag bag, bleepy gems, DIDN'T THEY WARN YOU ABOUT STRANGERS AT SCHOOL!?

Now onto other things. I received an email from yahoo today informing me that as of October, they will be shutting their free web site building factory based in Surrey with smaller spin off warehouses set on the seabed of Loch Morar called 'Geocities'. This saddened me a lot because Geocities was not only my first webbuilder experience way back in 1998 but has brought loads of hilarity in the form of horrendously badly build and hard to navigate pages about nonsense and such things.

I will miss the badly laid out seperators with dripping blood, flashing cats, explosions ripped from doom and animated gifs of ducks following a gran with massive text and a big box saying "CLICK ME TO GO TO THE NEXT PAGE OF MY WEBSITE IF YOU WANT TO GO TO PAGE 2 AND ARE STILL INTERESTED IN MORE FACTS ABOUT ASTRONOMY ON MY PAGE, PAGE 2 IS THIS WAY".

Witness the greatness of sites like this the first church of Dan akyroyd and LEARN from its design greatness!

Watch your soul melt into shreddies as you realise pages like this will be deleted forever. The Jesus Dance

Geocites, we will miss you.

Another website of note (not a geocities one at least) that has made me just rub my left eye and scratch my head with a stretch while saying "what the hell happened to the nineties, they went so fast" is this one.
My friends will tell you that I really like Stanley Ku-bricks masterful "the Shining" but when I saw this page, clearly this guy likes it a bit too much and also likes killing, eating calculators and putting tracing paper over tadpoles.

Possibly reading a wee bit TOO much into the "hidden meanings" in the film. Nuts and also slightly disturbing that he spent the time writing it. Be sure to watch out for the parts where he reminds you that later on in his "theseus" he will be revealing some devastating facts that will make you never see the film in the same light again! Like every 3 paragraphs! Hmm.

Danny's jumper and the amazing colour reversing of some balls and a snowcat may hold the key to the universe!

With that I sign off until the next time. In the next episode there may be some kind of a podcast with talking and music! Not sure when this will happen yet but it's definitely in the works.

Story and Hello.

2009-07-03T06:22:00.000-07:00

Hello.

Now a story. This is a blog. Within it I will write things. They may well be important but in all likelihood they won't be.

Now this story contains things that happen. It is however up to you if you want to absorb them with any sense of belief. With that in mind everything you read is true. So here we go.
I wish things would settle down around my area.Its gone haywire again! I mean just today I was walking along the street to go to college and the whole street blew away! Luckily I was just leaving the street before it did so I didn't get hurt but then later I went into the newsagent to try and get today's paper but when I looked all they had were some old garden Gnomes! I asked the guy behind the counter how exactly the public were meant to know what was happening in the world if they only sold Gnomes and not papers.And the guy said

"Well,we tried selling papers before but nobody bought them!".
And I said
"I don't believe you!"
and the guy said
"Well I don't believe you!"

and this carried on for a while. When I had finished this pantomime like conversation I turned round and noticed all the gnomes had disappeared! Except one who turned to me and said

"Well I believe you!"

and that made me feel better so I left.

When I got outside I started walking to college and noticed a film crew at the canal. I stopped and walked over to them and said

"Hey,what are you filming?"

The head guy came up and said

"Oh it's terrible,we came all the way from Australia because someone said this canal was worth filming at but now we are here we have found that the canal is completely drained!"

"No it's not!" I said.

"Look,its full of water,your filming can commence
immediately!"

He said

"Eh?No it's not,there is no water at all!"

"Hmm,Ok." I said.

"What were you going to be filming anyway?" I added.He said

"Nothing!".

I said

"What?I don't believe you!"

but before he could answer both him and the rest of the film crew jumped into the canal and swam away!
So I left and started walking the last bit to college,I didn't have far to go but a taxi stopped and asked me if I was heading to college!
"Yes!" I said and jumped in. But the taxi didn't take me to college at all! It drove the wrong way and then drove me to a big jumble sale at a church! I had to get out because the taxi driver had gotten out and just left the taxi in the middle of the road! I would have driven my self back to college but I can't drive.

At the jumble sale I saw some stuff that I wanted to buy. I saw a nice old lady and inquired how much the books were on her table.She said
"Sorry,these are not for sale!"
So, disappointed,I walked to another stall and saw some old records which I liked. I asked the guy selling them how much they were and he said
"Sorry,none of these are for sale either and neither is anything else!"

Bemused, I ran into the middle of the church ground where they were holding the sale and shouted

"What kind of crazy jumble sale is this?!"

but nobody gave me an answer!
So I didn't manage to buy a single thing! Now it was quite late and I had missed most of college anyway so I started walking back to my house. To my surprise it was only round the corner! And the street had been put back by it's self! However there was some people standing outside where my house used to be. I walked up and said
"Where has my house gone?"
They said,
"Sorry,we sold it for this tea set.We hope you like it!"

But I didn't like it at all! So I sat in the patch where my house was and felt a bit down. But then a big boat arrived on a river that had just appeared and the man on board said

"Jump on!We are going to Wyoming to live now!"

So I did and that's where I'm typing this from now.In an internet cafe powered by nothing! It's great.

Now it is raining heavily. It might cool down a bit.

Listening to These arms are snakes

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